BROKEN

On that particular day

I got off the airplane

absolutely exhausted

my head swimming from

passing the sun

Nothing right

2:00 p.m. should be 6:00 a.m.

The haunted house

of parking lot and elevator

By the door

his name in black magic marker

Connoting something other

than him

I walked into his room

I saw him

unrecognizable

I looked through his disfigured face

my father

into his terrible open eyes

They rolled around in his head

He thrashed against his

restraints

My presence, irrelevant

I saw what insanity

must look like

He was so very far away

in a place

only

a broken neck

a broken back

a head injury

a crushed leg

a crushed arm

a head injury

a swollen damaged everything

can put you in

As the respirator

sucked in and spit out perfect time

as my eyes made the news

unreal reality

I fought to breathe

wincing and gasping

the disinfected smell of near-death

No form of hysteria

could unleash it

I needed to touch

what was so much less

than human

Fingernails sunk deep

into that huge swollen bear claw

Moisture seeping out

of that nearly exploding memory

of a hand

I swallowed back the vomit

as my legs

ran for the door

Water flowing

from my eyes and nose

coughing and lurching

I made it to the lawn

and watched the thin green blades

of grass

fall over

with the weight

of my grief

I couldn’t find him

Even the smartest people

didn’t know where he was

His name became

that broken chamber

that discolored misshapen cavity

inside of which echoed

a father teasing his daughter

And I prayed

that death

would set us both free